I Don’t Have A Fear Of Heights. I Do, However, I Have A Fear Of Falling From Heights.George Carlin
The text goes off on my phone:
Nate: the Padres are giving 150 free tickets to tomorrow’s game.
Of course I am not going to say no to a new opportunity since I am trying to deal with my anxiety issues of going anywhere out of my norm.
Me: Will they be hard to get? If not grab them.
When he arrived home, he had 4 tickets! For once I was excited to see an actual baseball game, even if it was not within my 48 hour rule. This was going to be the best family time!
Nate arrived home in time for us to leave and grab parking. Let me say downtown smelled of trash cans and overheated dogs, which is where we parked. $30 parking fee! Luckily, the walk to the park was not bad and we arrived there in about 10 minutes. Great for getting those steps in.
We make it past security with ease, head to level 3, where I thought our seats would be. Before heading to our seats, we could not forget the nachos, hotdogs and drinks. That was a pretty price tag, but hey, we can’t catch a game without fun eats.
With my hands completely full, we start walking to our seat. I am looking down as we walk the massive amount of steps to our seats. Once I hit a certain height, my body realized it and it stopped. I didn’t look back, or down, and I pushed myself to take one step after another. My body knew we were high, and it did not want to move, but I did my best to keep it going. Finally I arrived at my seat….
I turned around and that is when my stomach sank. We were 3 rows down from the highest point in the stadium. My heart started to race, so I sat down quickly, setting my food and drink behind me. I was thinking of everything to calm myself down. “This is only for a little while, I can do this.” Not only was it the height that was getting to me, it was the steepness. I saw many people walking and they were not phased by it at all. I was frustrated how my brain and body were reacting to this.
I signaled over to my husband who was on the other side of our children and told him I can not do this. He smiled back at me. What the f*** was he smiling at? Did he hate me today? Jerk! Anyway, I gave him my food since my stomach was turning. I was up there for about an hour and a half trying to deal with my issue the best way I knew how. I made some silly faces with my daughter, doing my best not to look down. My daughter could see I was terrified and all she did was laugh. No one understood what I was going through. They were all being jerks! Glad they were at least having fun.
The kids then ask to get refills and of course the mother in me kicks in and I am telling them to take the steps with the most rails, be sure not to trip, and the act as if nothing is wrong. Of course they made it down and up, no issues. From time to time they would look at me and laugh. Maybe this was their coping mechanism to how to deal with a terrified mother?
At about an hour and a half of tournament, my body decides I have to go to the bathroom…
Damn it! I do not want to move! The only time I want to move off this thing is when we leave. But it was so bad, that I had to just go for it. I put my purse cross body, pushed it behind me and went for it, grabbing each rail. One step at a time only looking at the steps, holding the rails tightly. When the rail ran out, I would cross over to the other side of the rail, reaching with my opposite hand to grab the next rail. I weaved in and out until I was on the level I was comfortable at.
I made it into the bathroom, and stood there for a while. With no ventilation, the bathroom became hot. I thought about joining my family again. How was I going to make it back up the steps? This was insane… I was that terrified. I took my pulse rate it and it was in the high 170s thinking about it. I decided it was not worth the fight with myself. I had given it a go, talked myself to staying as long as I did. There were moments in there where my family tried to take my mind off what was going on. Not much of watching the game, but I did have some fun while I was up there!
Since I did not eat my food or drink any of my drink, I decided to ask my family to bring my souvenir cup down so that I can eat. My husband knowing I had not eaten all day sent the kids down and text me to go find some fries. It isn’t the best for my diet, but it is better than gluten and meat, since I have given those up a week prior.
I did find my fries, and got my drink of choice. It should have been wine, but I needed to stay sober. I happened to find a seat in level 3, towards the very end of all the seating.. and was able to sit in the sun while I ate. I would take pictures of my kids and text them, and they would try to find me. Then I decided to walk around to get more steps in. I mean really who comes for the game? My husbands was up top with the kids and a few of his friends from work. Everyone was having a great time.
I did another two hours on level 3 finding new places to be, taking pictures of the bridge, sitting where I wasn’t suppose to and actually watching parts of the game. I was happy and content. I know I should have been up there with everyone, but my whole family understood. Besides laughing at me early on, they didn’t make anymore fun of me when we joined back up.
Of course we were all hot and tired, and we still had to walk back to the car. It took a little longer than expected to leave the stadium, but once we were on the go, we headed straight to our stunk out car. It took about 5 minutes for the smell of the city to leave.
All in all, it was a great day, filled with food, adventure, trying to conquer a fear, and pictures! The best part the kids were able to go to their first minor league baseball game.
The score was Padres 0 / Marlins 7 (August 11th, 2021)
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