Reflections On A Future

“I Can Not Say Whether Things Will Get Better If We Change; What I Can Say Is They Must Change If They Are To Get Better.”

Georg C. Lichtenberg

The other day, I started reading a new book called “You Are A Badass, How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life”. Already in the introduction it has me thinking about elements of my life. What are the things I want most in my life? Am I content where I am in life? Could I be doing more to make it more fulfilling?

Back in the day when the guidance councilor asked us what we wanted to do in life, I could think of a few things. I wanted to be a veterinarian, an oceanographer, and a writer. Of course back then I had so many things I wanted to do. As I write this now, I see that all of these could have gone hand in hand. Now to think, what stopped me?

Back in Texas, I had interviewed to be a Kennel Technician, thinking about going to college to be someone who at least worked around animals. That interview had made a serious impact on me. Want to know why I didn’t get the job? I was too fat! One of my friend’s worked at the same place and overheard the veterinarian talking about me. Yup, had nothing to do with my job abilities, but that I was fat. I wasn’t even my fattest when I applied.

When I was in middle / high school I worked for the SPCA in Virginia Beach. I loved it so much except for the fact they euthanized. I once walked out back after cleaning kennels, and saw them tossing animals from the freezer in the back of the Animal Control truck. It truly broke my heart.

Back to the point. I didn’t have to be skinny to clean kennels, and to help with the animals. I worked at Sterling Meadow Kennel (boarding kennel) when I was in high school as well. There I worked with cats, small to large dogs, and none of it had to do with my weight.

(Let me add a little note: The Veterinarian may have been a jerk, but it was completely up to me to go on and do what I needed to do to create a my future. I should have never let this man’s words hurt me so bad, especially when I did not hear them directly from his mouth. I do take full responsibility for me not becoming who I thought I should have been. Maybe it wasn’t my calling and where I am in life is exactly where God wants me to be.)

I am not sure why I let this get to me. After all these years, why have I not pursued my dream? So if that did not pan out, why not Oceanography?

Let me explain that to you right now… I hate boats, ships and anything that is not a pontoon. Pontoons were used to go fishing with Grandpa back when I was little. I don’t seem to have a fear then. Boats are a different scenario, and I am sure I would have become accustomed to them, but I never gave it a chance. Want to know something funny? I was about to join the Coast Guard before meeting Nate. I guess I would have had to deal with them then. Ships are an even funnier story.

Back in Hawaii, Nate had taken me on a family cruise with the ship he was on. Not even out of port yet, and I was super sick with panic. I had to keep going to the bathroom because of my nerves. I did not want to move once we had left. It was so bad that I was given so much Dramamine that it put me to sleep. Once I woke up I was fine, except for the horrible sunburn I had from sleeping in the sun.

With Oceanography, not everyone is required to go on boats. So there went that!

A writer, the one things I could have done with no issues. One of my amazing friends from high school became an author. Inger Iversen… you should look her up. She is quite an amazing person and author!

Why didn’t I take this road? I guess I never really had that type of confidence in myself. Right now I am finally taking the steps to reach out and become The Spoiled Navy Wife, and see where it will take me. What’s the worst thing that can happen if I do not succeed in this? I lose a few bucks? Maybe this is my way of stepping out and reaching a better confidence in myself.

So why am I not doing anything now? I still have plenty of life to live!

After writing this I did give it some thought. We are retiring in a little over a year, my kids will be going to a public/private school (hopefully), so I think after the big move, I may jump into schooling of my own. It is not too late to work with animals. It is not a lost cause!

So here is to cheering myself on and planning for an actual future and career, as my husband has always wanted for me. This is a great opportunity to show my kids that even when you are older, you can still go for those dreams.

Thanks Daisy Rodriguez for recommending the book.

I hope to share my insights as I continue reading. If I have already started asking myself questions in the introduction, I wonder what else I will start to learn about the rest of me. Keep an eye out to the follow ups!

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#Anchored_Heart_And_Soul #BecomingWhoIAm #DoingMore #IAmABadAss #Life #MentalAndPhysicalHealth #MentalCare #WorkingOnDreams

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